


desolation

by ultyoungjaechoi



Category: GOT7
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, i love youngjae, internet best friend jackson, sounds cliche but it’s not pls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 15:38:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14547933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultyoungjaechoi/pseuds/ultyoungjaechoi
Summary: even if the room is filled with 200 people, youngjae always finds himself feeling utterly alone.





	1. one

youngjae feels the most exhausted he’s ever felt in his entire 17 years of life. he lacks sleep, usually only gets 3-5 each night, going to bed around 12-3am and waking up at 6 for school. 

it obviously shows that he doesn’t get enough sleep, just by looking at him you can see his tired eyes and the dark circles surrounding them. some days he can’t even bring up a smile because he’s too tired.

why does he go to sleep so late? of course, it’s his fault. he could always stop himself from doing so and going to sleep at a normal time, but he chooses to stay up late. he talks to his friends on the phone that live miles and miles away from him. 

can’t he do that during the day? well, yes, he does. but at night, it really makes up for the loneliness he feels throughout the day. all the faces that pass in the hallways that lacks a relationship with him, that lacks a friendship, a story. 

youngjae is a very lonely person. almost a loner, if it weren’t for his “school friends” at school. he labels them as his school friends because he is not close with them. never have never will. he doesn’t talk to them outside of school and they can only talk about such little things, as they have nothing in common.

he really refers to them as mutuals, but if he called them that to their face it would hurt them.

so really, he has no friends. 

in the halls he is walking quietly, alone, with his earbuds in his ear at all times. he slouches slightly as he walks due to tiredness. everyday he seems to be getting tireder and tireder. 

he sits alone at lunch, spends all his classes quiet and not paying attention. he has nobody but those school friends who probably don’t care much about him. he never hears from any of them EVER after the moment they part ways out of the building.

today, those school friends, plural because there’s a girl in his class that tries talking to him but youngjae sometime ignores. 

he’s sat in the back of the room as he waits for his school friend, jinyoung, to arrive. as he waits, he’s on his phone texting his best friend, jackson. 

jackson is an internet friend. all of the friends youngjae has are online. theyre from different countries and it’s crazy to him, especially when they speak korean even if they aren’t. 

his online friends are his real friends. they will be more of a real friend to him than anyone else in that building could ever be. his friends make him happy when he’s sad. sometimes, their “presence” makes him forget how lonely he really is.

his friends don’t know about his lonely and sad life. sure, he mentions that he has no friends, but he only gets the replies that consists of “same” or “me too”’s no one of his friends really know or understand that he really has no friends. 

jackson is his best friend, previously mentioned. he has friends in real life, he has plenty. he talks with them at school and out. he actually has a crush on one of them, that he always gushes to youngjae about. but sometimes, jackson replies to youngjaes “i have no friends” with, “same”’s or “me too”’s. 

youngjae wouldn’t exactly say it bothers him, but it slightly upsets him that jackson would say that. because they both know that jackson has plenty of friends he constantly hangs out with. he is aware that jackson probably has a real best friend that he can hang out with, not some dude on the internet.

but jackson is youngjaes true best friend.

youngjae is pulled out of his thoughts when he hears the school bell ring, signalling that class is starting. he put his phone away and brought his attention to the teacher, only to make it seem like he’s paying attention.

he looks over to his left and see’s jinyoung sitting in his seat, taking down notes as a video is playing on the board. he watched as his friend wrote quickly but neatly on the white lined paper covered in light grey graphite sentences. 

he never took notes himself, especially while watching videos. he’s more of a visual leaner, it’s hard for him to absorb knowledge strictly by sound and fast hand movements. that’s a skill he can’t acquire. 

instead of taking the notes he would need to pass the upcoming test, he lets himself drown in his thoughts that consist of songs replaying in his head and how much he wants to go home and sleep.

near the end of the class they get free time, so youngjae uses it up and talks to jinyoung. 

“hi,” he smiled, moving to sit next to his older friend. “hey,” he replied, looking at youngjae and smiled. his eyes then led back to his phone and began tying away. youngnjae’s smile faded and his eyes trailed to his phone. 

sometimes he wishes he could be that important to someone, to use up someone else’s time just to talk to him. of course, there’s jackson, talking to youngjae every chance he gets, but it’s different in the offline, real world. 

“how was your day?” he asked, hoping, just hoping jinyoung would give him attention. he finally put his phone in his pocket and turned to the obviously tired boy beside him.

“it was good, how was yours?” 

this is a typical conversation between the two. simple, and easy questions and responses. “that’s good, and yeah, me too.” of course he would say his day is good. not necessarily that today was a bad day, but jinyoung doesn’t need or probably want to know how youngjae is truly feeling.

the two of them have already talked earlier in the day, since they have 4 classes together. other than those 4 classes, youngjae is mute most of the day. sometimes he only talks in 3 out of the 4 classes, or none. it all depends on how he feels, or how he assumes jinyoung is feeling.

the school day ends with them parting at the doors, and youngjae getting on the bus by himself. he already had his earbuds in, the music playing at a more than half high volume. he always loved listned to music, especially when it’s loud. 

he also likes to really focus on the song, ignoring the singing and strictly paying attention to the music, trying to catch any hidden sounds or voices he hasn’t noticed before. he does it a lot and he’s discovered some sounds that failed to stand out to him before. 

his home life isn’t different to his school life. right when he enters his house he grabs food and goes straight to his bedroom, locking himself in there and not exiting until dinner time. he slept a good amount, a 4 hour nap really helped him. 

sometimes he goes days straight without talking to or even seeing his parents. all he does in his life is lay in his bed and mope or sleep. 

but what else do people expect him to do? go out on the weekends and have fun with friends? to go the mall and shop and have a good time? go to the park and relax with people? no, people can’t and shouldn’t expect that. not from him. sure, he’d love to go out at night and go into the city and have fun with friends. but instead, he sleeps and cries and eats and mopes. but does he have a choice? does he really have such a choice to leave his bed (which requires a huge amount of him to do) and go out and have fun with the friends he doesn’t have?

no. he doesn’t. he doesn’t have a choice.


	2. two

the weekends have always been youngjaes favorite time of the week. not only because he’s out of school for two days, but because he sometimes spends them with jackson. 

they have facetime calls and have internet sleepovers together. they only have a one hour difference so it’s easy for them to work out. 

youngjae was in his pajamas, setting up his tv as he waited for jackson to call him. he made popcorn and got a drink for himself. on his tv, it’s connected to his laptop which is on the website rabb.it. him and jackson use it all the time to watch shows or movies or music videos together. 

last weekend jackson got to pick a movie, which was “miracle in cell no. 7” (his favorite movie), so that means youngjae gets to choose this weekend. he already has a movie in mind, since it’s his favorite. 

he was very excited for this sleepover. he always has a good time with jackson even if they are 1,133 miles apart. the older always made him smile with his dumb jokes and outgoing and sassy personality. youngjae believes that he could never find more of a better best friend than him.

while nibbling on his popcorn, his phone lit up, indicating a call from jackson. he happily picked his phone up and answered it. 

“hi jackson!” he exclaimed, happy to see his friends face. “hi jaejae! do you have a movie picked out?” he crunched on a chip while waiting for a response. 

“mhm!” he nodded, signing into his netflix account off the rabb.it website. jackson joined already but he wasn’t paying attention to the screen.

jackson thought youngjae was so cute and adorable. not in like, a romantic way of course, but he loves youngjae. he knows how much he is hurting, no matter if youngjae says it or not. he can tell when something is wrong when they text or when he posts or over call, he can tell because he’s his best friend.

“this is my favorite movie! i’ve seen it so many times though, but who cares,” he propped his phone up in front of him so it could show a clear look of his face without him having to hold it. 

“i’ll be right back, i’m going to let coco outside,” he got up from the couch and left his phone there. coco is his dog. he loves her more than anything. 

it took him a few minutes, but he came back with the small white dog in his arms. jackson squealed when he saw her. 

“omg she’s so cute,” he smiled, causing youngjae to smile. “i know! she loves you, hyung,” he placed her on his lap. he told jackson what movie they were watching and started it. 

after the movie, and a few hours after that, jackson and youngjae we’re just talking, about anything and everything. well, at least anything that wouldn’t make youngjae upset or uncomfortable.

“so...how’s you and your crush going?” youngjae asked, sucking on the left over popcorn kernels from the bag. he likes to listen ramble about his crush, he thinks it’s cute. 

“um... good, i think? i haven’t told him i liked him yet. i’m too scared... but oh my god, yesterday we were hanging out and we went to the park, okay? and he was like all nice and sweet with me and bought me ice cream. he’s so cute,” jackson sighed dreamily. 

the way jackson talks about his crush makes youngjae want to fall in love. the last time he had a crush was someone online, who he almost fell in love with. turned out that his crush had a boyfriend the whole time. he was so heartbroken and cried for days. he got over him after a while. 

“jackson.. you need to tell him!!” he encouraged, but jackson shook his head. it’s weird for him, an outgoing and crazy fun guy like him to be so scared to confess his feelings to someone. 

“enough talk about me.. what about you? are you crushing on anyone?” he wiggled his eyebrows, making youngjae laugh. the said boy sighed and shook his head, “no, but i want to..”

“why would you want to? it’s horrible.. especially when they’re so cute and you’re too afraid to tell him.” he chuckled. 

“jackson, you’re in love,” he laughed, “but i just love the feeling of liking someone, i don’t know..” 

suddenly the feeling of loneliness devoured him, making him turn silent. jackson watched through the screen as youngjae was just staring off into space and blinking absesntly. 

jackson was giving him time to think. this happens a lot, but not too much to the point where it annoys him. just enough times for him to know what to do. although he doesn’t understand at all how youngjae is feeling, he knows that he needs his time because he always falls into random trances like this. 

“hey, jae,” he got the youngest attention, “why don’t you try finding someone?” he suggested, hinting at a boy he could date. he looked at jackson through his phone, “well... there is this guy, but i wouldn’t call him a crush. but i guess i could try talking to him? i’m so scared though.” he confessed, not surprising jackson. 

he’s glad youngjae has his eye on someone new. he could never forget about when he “almost” fell in love (youngjae likes to claim he almost fell in love, but jackson very well knew he was most definitely in love.) with his old internet friend, bambam. he doesn’t want this not-crush to turn out like the yugbamjae incident. (jackson named it that for when they talked about it, yugbamjae is a combination of all three of the people’s names that were involved in this combined together).

he just wants the best for youngjae. 

“i think you should do it. i know you might be scared, but who knows... he might like you back...” jackson winked. youngjae yelled at him while laughing, calling him a loser for that wink.

youngjae tells him about his not-crush, like his name and how he looks and what he’s like, or at least what he seems to be like. the only problem is, he’s a student at his school. 

 

of course, other people would be very pleased if their crush went to the same school as them, but not when you’re choi youngjae. he has a massive social anxiety problem and has a huge problem making friends. it doesn’t matter how many things you don’t or do have in common, he just can’t do it. 

he gets nervous and his hands sweat and his legs shake as he tries to make friends in the real world. he gets dizzy and scared. he gets not only sad, but jealous when he sees pairs or groups of friends laughing together at lunch or in the halls. 

“i don’t think i can do it, jacksonnie...” he sighed and rested his face on his arm, making his cheek squish his face.

“you can! why don’t you message him first? like on instagram?” 

“oh wait.. that’s a good idea.... but i’ll have to pass on it.” 

jackson sighed and nodded, not wanting to argue with him or force him into doin something he doesn’t want to do. 

youngjae bit the inside of his lip, mentally yelling at himself for being so afraid to make new friends. 

“why don’t we just go to sleep?” he asked, yawning. it was about one in the morning and his eyelids were getting heavier by the minute.

“okay, that sounds good, jaejae.” 

they both turned off their lights and mumbled things to each other before they both fell asleep, still on facetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi ok ik it’s only chapter 2 n stuff but uh yeah no jaebum yet i’m just tryna like show youngjaes feelings towards different things, and him and jackson’s friendship and how he interprets youngjaes feelings and stuff. i hope you’re enjoying this story so far <3


End file.
